First let's get the easy stuff out of the way. My name is Henry Herman Laxen. I am currently 67 years old. My exact location is: here See the Torre Onix in the center of the map, I'm on the 23rd floor, facing south. Should you dispatch an assassin for me, please shoot me in the heart, not the head, as I hope to return in a few hundred years. ( Please don't use one of your new and fancy hyper sonic missiles, I'm just not worth it and you would hurt many of my friends.

My intent for this page is help you get out of the pickle you find yourself in.

Wouldn't you rather be remembered as Putin the Great or Vlad the Terrible? You are two years older than me, and you already have more wealth than you could possible spend in one hundred lifetimes. When is enough, enough? Now is the time to cement your legacy for all future time.

I know you are having some trouble with Ukraine at the moment, but you can still turn a lemon into lemonade. It may taste sour for a little while, but I promise you if you take my advice you will be remembered as a hero and a statesman. Before I tell you how to pull this off, I would like to remind you of a few facts.

  1. NATO is only there because other countries are afraid of you. Unless another Hitler or Napoleon comes along, none of the NATO countries have any territorial ambitions. In other words, no one is going to attack you. Stop worrying.
  2. Between you, the US, and China, you have enough nuclear weapons to basically bring civilization, if not all life on earth, to an end.
  3. Russia is already the largest country on the planet. Do you really need more Lebensraum?

Here is what you need to do.

  1. Stop the war in Ukraine immediately, full stop. Blame some underling who mistakenly told you there were Nazis in Ukraine. Tell the world your troops never found any, you realized your mistake, and acted accordingly. In the eyes of the world, anyone who publicly admits their mistake only enhances their standing, they never diminish it.
  2. Tell the world how close it came to annihilation. Tell them that your generals put you under tremendous pressure to unleash your nuclear arsenal, but that you bravely resisted the pressure and kept the world intact.
  3. Now this is the big one. Use this moment to reduce the number of nuclear weapons on the planet. I am not naive enough to ask that these weapons be eliminated, since that is likely to be a project for a future generation, but I think you have a unique opportunity to be known as the man who ended the threat of global destruction.
  4. A 100 kiloton blast over New York City will kill over half a million people. The same sized bomb will kill over a million people if detonated in Moscow, and 1.2 million over Beijing. Isn't that enough deterrence? Wouldn't that give any future leader of the three great countries of the world pause?
  5. How do we get there? It doesn't have to be that complicated. Every nuclear nation gets to keep ten nuclear weapons each no larger than 100 kilotons. That gives each country the ability to kill over ten million people in another country. That should be enough death and destruction to prevent any sane future leader from getting too frisky, but not enough to end civilization or mankind.

That is really all I have. Of course there are a lot of details to work out, but you are probably the only man in the world who could pull this off. It is really up to you. Will you be a Hero or Zero?

Quote of the day:
The rest is silence.
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